Tony has been leading a men's purity group for over the past 20 years.

In group he recently shared a teaching with the men entitled, "Take It To God".

To illustrate the ideas shared in this teaching Tony created the diagram that appears as the image attached to this episode.

The image is color coded, and illustrates the 3 primary strategies available to us as we seek to process the hurt, pain, and trauma in our lives.

(1) Self-Medication

(2) Denial

(3) Face it

In this series Tony shares how counterprodcutive options one and two are, and how we must learn to face our pain, and then how to take our pain to God is we're going to be healthier and more functional people.

Many men, if not most men, have used sex, porn, and their orgasm as a way to self-medicate the pain in their heart and life, and Tony helps us understand why we can no longer do this.

There is a way that seem right, that leads to death.

And there's a way that seems difficult, that leads to life.

In this series we discover how the way of God, and the way of God's Kingdom is to journey through our pain rather than trying to avoid it, escape it, or anesthetize it.

Welcome to episode 366!

Tony has been leading a men's purity group for over the past 20 years.

In group he recently shared a teaching with the men entitled, "Take It To God".

To illustrate the ideas shared in this teaching Tony created the diagram that appears as the image attached to this episode.

The image is color coded, and illustrates the 3 primary strategies available to us as we seek to process the hurt, pain, and trauma in our lives.

(1) Self-Medication

(2) Denial

(3) Face it

In this series Tony shares how counterprodcutive options one and two are, and how we must learn to face our pain, and then how to take our pain to God is we're going to be healthier and more functional people.

Many men, if not most men, have used sex, porn, and their orgasm as a way to self-medicate the pain in their heart and life, and Tony helps us understand why we can no longer do this.

There is a way that seem right, that leads to death.

And there's a way that seems difficult, that leads to life.

In this series we discover how the way of God, and the way of God's Kingdom is to journey through our pain rather than trying to avoid it, escape it, or anesthetize it.

Welcome to episode 365!

In this episode Tony focuses on a beatiful and very hopeful verse in the bible.

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.  I Corinthians 10:13

Tony shares seven very important observations from this verse that affirm that you can process and manage the temptations that come to you in a healthy and godly way.

(1) You will be tempted.

(2) These temptations are common to every man.

(3) Sometimes it feels like these temptations are "seizing" you.

(4) You  can always handle the temptations that come to you because of God's faithfulness.

(5) It's not "if" you're tempted, but 'when".

(6) There will always be a way of escape.

(7) God doesn't always remove the temptation, but he gives you the ability to stand up under the temptation.

Be encouraged brother!

God has given you everything you need to manage the temptations that come to you in a godly way!

Hey guys!

Tony here!

When I was 13 years old I dislocated my right shoulder, and the injury has literally followed me through life for the past 52 years.

It was finally time to do something about it (as in bone on bone and unbearable pain) and this past Friday (4 days ago) I had a complete shoulder replacement surgery.

Since I began the podcast over 7 years ago I've never missed publishing an episode, and I don't want to start now.

(Please note - I did take a sabbatical from the podcast for a period of time when my wife left me.)

To be honest I'm not feeling very good right now as I'm recooperating from this shoulder surgery, but I at least wanted to share a brief episode with you this weekj.

This is probably the shortest episode of the podcast ever published, but I do pray it will be a blessing and encouragement to you!

When we look at porn, she's always so beautiful.

Right?

We're captivated, and enraptured by the form of her naked body.

It makes us want so bad what we're seeing with our natural eyes.

We think that this is what we need to feel happy and fulflled.

But if we could see her in another way, with our spritual eyes, she might look more like the image posted to represent this episode of the podcast.

She's a metaphorical corpse.

She's rotten, and decaying.

As it says in Galatians 6:8, when we sow to please our flesh it leads to "corruption", which happens when a dead body begins to decay.

In this episode Tony shares an amazing list that a man he knows created.

It's a list of 43 hidden prices the man was paying in exhchange for his indulgence in pornography.

When we're acting out with porn in sexual compulsion, our natural eyes see something we think is beautiful, but behind the scenes in the spiritual realm there is decay, destruction, and corruption.

Do not be deceived!

7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:7-9

Since he's moving soon (because of his wife's divorce) Tony has been getting rid of all kinds of stuff in the effort to downsize for the move.

Therefore when his sister and nephew invited him to go to the local flea market he was determined to try to not buy any more "stuff".

However, when he left the flea market 3 hours later he was the proud owner of 3 items he had puchased.

Tony bought each one of these 3 items because each one is a metaphor of a significant spritual reality that he wants to be reminded of on a regular basis.

(1) A yoke.

(2) A bit.

(3) A compass.

In this episode Tony shares what each of these items mean to him, and why he will be placing them in his new home when he moves in the near future

Matthew 11:28-30

Psalm 32:9

Daniel 4:34

John 15:1-2;5

If you're going to be the man of God, and the man of purity that God is calling you to be you have to get in the battle and stay in the battle.

You're going to have to fight temptations to make quality decisions.

You're going to have to exercise your "NO" muscle.

I wish I could tell you that when you have a success, and you properly navigate your way through and around a temptation, that this success will carry you for the next 90 days, and you won't even be tempted again for at least the next 90 days.

But it doesn't work that way, because chances are pretty good you're goint to be tempted again, and then again, and then again, and so forth and so on.

So, one success is awesome.

One success is wonderful.

Congratulations on your one success.

But one success is not enough.

You need to have that one success, and then the next success, and then the next success, and so forth and so on.

Or, said another way, we need the "accumulation of successes", and the more successes we accumulate, the more momentum we get in God, and the successes then become easier and easier to achieve.

In this episode Tony discusses the intricacies and nuances of "the accumulation of successes".

In this episode Tony talks about how the battle for purity becomes easier over time.

We become stronger.

We learn to exercise our "no muscle".

We accumulate more and more successes.

We learn that we can resist temptation.

Temptation is not bigger than you.

You're bigger than temptation, and God always makes a way to escape.

You can grow in godliness.

You can grow in righteousness.

You're not doomed to forever hang on by the skin of your teeth and white knuckles.

In the old days it seemed like temptation was this powerful beast that would come in and sieze you.

It was bigger than you and it was hard to resist.

But now that you're growing in God and getting some tools and stategies the beast is becoming a fly, and you can shoo away a fly when it trys to bother you.

God's grace and healing are powerful.

You are a man of God, and you're designed for high levels of success in God's Kingdom.

The beast is becoming a fly!

Salmon are amazing.

Every year they turn around to swim upstream against very powerful currents that are resisting them.

They return to the place they were born so they can spawn, and a new generation of salmon are born.

Their survival is based upon their ability to swim against the vicious currents.

In much the same way, our metaphorical survival to be the men of God that we're called to be will be predicated upon our ability to swim against the persistant, and powerful, and vicious currents of temptation that are resisting against us.

In this episode Tony identities the confluence of 3 different powerful forces that work together to create the complulsion in us that makes us want to act out in sin. 

(1) The power of habit, or the old "groove" of sin we've allowed to be established in us.

(2) Brain science, or the way we've trained our brains to crave the feel good chemicals that compel us to act out.

(3) The law of sin, or the natural proclivity we have as fallen and sinful people to delight in doing the very things we know we shouldn't do.

Any one of these forces would be difficult to resist in and of itself, and when you put all three of them togther they can become a very vicious current that makes it hard for us to swim upstream.

In this episode you'll understand how the "confluence of compulsion" works against our sexual purity, and what we can do in return to swim agains these currents to have success and victory in God!

The bible says in Proverbs 25:28 that a man who has no self-control is like a city with no walls.

That's not a good thing!

In the days of the bible is was very important to have a wall around your city because the wall is what protected you from the bad guys.

If you didn't have a wall around your city you would be subject to attack at any time and you couldn't protect yourself effetively.

In much the same way, if we're ever going to be the man God is calling us to be, and if we're ever going to be the man of purity that God is calling us to be, we're going to need the ability to protect ourselves in many different ways.

You need the ability to catch yourself at the moment of temptation.

You need to mentor yourself.

You need to tell yourself the truth.

You need to put a choke chain on yourself.

You need to recognize and renounce the lie.

You need to not let yourself get away with bad behavior.

You need to hold yourself accountable to yourself.

You need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps.

You need to work on you.

You need to make quality decisions.

You need to make quality choices.

You need to self-regulate.

You need to talk yourself off the ledge.

You need to soothe yourselff.

You need to interrupt yourself when you beging the old cycle.

You need to hold on to yourself.

You need to have a solid relationship with you.

You need to get your legs under you.

You need to not become lost to yourself.

You need the ability to take care of yourself, and the abllity to mentor yourself, and to watch yourself, and to reel yourself back in if you start become lost to yourself.

And why do you need to do these things?

Because a man with no self-control is like a city with no walls!

Like a city that is broken down and without walls [leaving it unprotected]
Is a man who has no self-control over his spirit [and sets himself up for trouble].  Proverbs 25:28

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control.Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.  Galatians 6:22-25

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  II Corinthians 10:5

11 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.  Titus 2:11-12

YOU CONTROL YOU!

In this new series talks about the importance of "brain management".

Sometimes it's hard enough to fight the battle when the enemy is on the outside of me, but what do I do when the enemy seems like he's on the inside of me, because sometimes it feels like the enemy is me!

My own thoughts and my own emotions sometimes gang up on me and conspire against me in a very powerful way, and it's at these times I need a self-awarness to fight agaisnt my very own thoughts and emotions in the attempt to manage what's going on between my ears on the inside of me.

Brain management!

In this series Tony identifies and shares common "lies" that often hold power over men in their struggle with sexual purity.

Examples:

"I can't resist temptation." (That's a lie because you can resist temptation.)

"My sexual sin is my wife's fault."  (That's a lie because you're responsbile for your own choices and actions.)

"Lots of men look at porn so it's no big deal if I look at porn."  (That's a lie because what other people do does not give you the right to do the same thing.)

It's incredibly important that we have the ability to identify the lies, because if we beleive a lie, it becomes our truth, because we're believing it's true, even thought it's a lie, and the lie therefore assuems a positon of power and authority in our life, and we then begin to act and make decisions based upon the lie.

To be the men of purity God is calling us to be we need "brain management".

We need the abiltiy to take rebel and mutiny thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ.

We need to renew our minds so we can approve the good, pleasing and perfect will of God.

We need to gird out loins with the truth and figth the lies with the sword of the Spirit.

Welcome to "Brain Management", and be BLESSED in Jesus' Name!

In this new series talks about the importance of "brain management".

Sometimes it's hard enough to fight the battle when the enemy is on the outside of me, but what do I do when the enemy seems like he's on the inside of me, because sometimes it feels like the enemy is me!

My own thoughts and my own emotions sometimes gang up on me and conspire against me in a very powerful way, and it's at these times I need a self-awarness to fight agaisnt my very own thoughts and emotions in the attempt to manage what's going on between my ears on the inside of me.

Brain management!

In this series Tony identifies and shares common "lies" that often hold power over men in their struggle with sexual purity.

Examples:

"I can't resist temptation." (That's a lie because you can resist temptation.)

"My sexual sin is my wife's fault."  (That's a lie because you're responsbile for your own choices and actions.)

"Lots of men look at porn so it's no big deal if I look at porn."  (That's a lie because what other people do does not give you the right to do the same thing.)

It's incredibly important that we have the ability to identify the lies, because if we beleive a lie, it becomes our truth, because we're believing it's true, even thought it's a lie, and the lie therefore assuems a positon of power and authority in our life, and we then begin to act and make decisions based upon the lie.

To be the men of purity God is calling us to be we need "brain management".

We need the abiltiy to take rebel and mutiny thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ.

We need to renew our minds so we can approve the good, pleasing and perfect will of God.

We need to gird out loins with the truth and figth the lies with the sword of the Spirit.

Welcome to "Brain Management", and be BLESSED in Jesus' Name!

In this new series talks about the importance of "brain management".

Sometimes it's hard enough to fight the battle when the enemy is on the outside of me, but what do I do when the enemy seems like he's on the inside of me, because sometimes it feels like the enemy is me!

My own thoughts and my own emotions sometimes gang up on me and conspire against me in a very powerful way, and it's at these times I need a self-awarness to fight agaisnt my very own thoughts and emotions in the attempt to manage what's going on between my ears on the inside of me.

Brain management!

In this series Tony identifies and shares common "lies" that often hold power over men in their struggle with sexual purity.

Examples:

"I can't resist temptation." (That's a lie because you can resist temptation.)

"My sexual sin is my wife's fault."  (That's a lie because you're responsbile for your own choices and actions.)

"Lots of men look at porn so it's no big deal if I look at porn."  (That's a lie because what other people do does not give you the right to do the same thing.)

It's incredibly important that we have the ability to identify the lies, because if we beleive a lie, it becomes our truth, because we're believing it's true, even thought it's a lie, and the lie therefore assuems a positon of power and authority in our life, and we then begin to act and make decisions based upon the lie.

To be the men of purity God is calling us to be we need "brain management".

We need the abiltiy to take rebel and mutiny thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ.

We need to renew our minds so we can approve the good, pleasing and perfect will of God.

We need to gird out loins with the truth and figth the lies with the sword of the Spirit.

Welcome to "Brain Management", and be BLESSED in Jesus' Name!

Keelie Reason is back as a guest on The Power of Purity Podcast for the second time.

She was on the show in the early days on episodes 41 & 42.

Keelie oversees a ministry called... Love Hope Aventure... which focuses on intimacy in marriage.

Keelie is also a blogger and has posted over 1,000 various articles on topics related to marriage with an emphasis how to experience healthier sex in your relationship and marriage.

In this episode, among other things, Tony and Keelie discuss...

• sexual discrepancy between parnters

• how the lower sexed person becomes the gatekeeper of sex

• different arousal templates 

• arousal and sex - which should come first?

Keelie writes the following on her website:

Our goal is to help you get the resources you need to have a better marriage relationship. Also, we talk really openly and candidly about sex. Not that we share specifics to what we do in the bedroom…instead we offer real resources for husbands and wives that want more information about sex, foreplay, and how to be more adventurous in the bedroom.

Keelie is married to her highschool sweetheart, Austin, and they have 3 boys and live in Dallas Texas.

lovehopeadventure.com

Keelie Reason is back as a guest on The Power of Purity Podcast for the second time.

She was on the show in the early days on episodes 41 & 42.

Keelie oversees a ministry called... Love Hope Adventure... which focuses on intimacy in marriage.

Keelie is also a blogger and has posted over 1,000 various articles on topics related to marriage with an emphasis how to experience healthier sex in your relationship and marriage.

In this episode, among other things, Tony and Keelie discuss...

• sexual discrepancy between partners

• how the lower sexed person becomes the gatekeeper of sex

• different arousal templates 

• arousal and sex - which should come first?

Keelie writes the following on her website:

Our goal is to help you get the resources you need to have a better marriage relationship. Also, we talk really openly and candidly about sex. Not that we share specifics to what we do in the bedroom…instead we offer real resources for husbands and wives that want more information about sex, foreplay, and how to be more adventurous in the bedroom.

Keelie is married to her highschool sweetheart, Austin, and they have 3 boys and live in Dallas Texas.

lovehopeadventure.com

Dr. Michael Sytsma is a licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist.  He earned a Ph.D. from the University of Georgia in Marriage and Family Therapy, and his dissertation topic was "Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Married Couples".  Dr. Sytsma has over 30 years of clinical experience in sex therapy and founded Building Intimate Marriages, Inc. and co-founded Sexual Wholeness, Inc.

Dr. Sytsma is the co-author of a new book, along with Shaunti Feldhahn, entitled "Secrets of Sex & Marriage - 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference".

In the research for this book Dr. Sytsma and Shaunti Feldhahn did the largest nationally representative survey ever conducted with married couples about sex.  This research, entitled "The Marriage Intimacy Project" (MIP) was conducted over the span of three years, involving a large research team, professional survery companies and several partner organiazatons to gather, analyze and organize input from more than 5,300 individuals using anonymous surveys and interviews.

Through this research the authors identified eight simple, transformational factors to help move couples from disconnection to delight.  This book reveals the most importat sex-related issues for the average couple - offering workable solutions and lasting hope.  The book is not a "sex manual:, but it is a fascinating and practical field guide that will help couples more intimately understand one anohter and create the marriage they've always wanted.

Please note - Tony interviewd Shaunt Feldhahm in episodes 108 & 109 of The Power of Purity Podcast is you'd like to check it out!

Visit intimatemarriage.org

Dr. Michael Sytsma is a licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist.  He earned a Ph.D. from the University of Georgia in Marriage and Family Therapy, and his dissertation topic was "Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Married Couples".  Dr. Sytsma has over 30 years of clinical experience in sex therapy and founded Building Intimate Marriages, Inc. and co-founded Sexual Wholeness, Inc.

Dr. Sytsma is the co-author of a new book, along with Shaunti Feldhahn, entitled "Secrets of Sex & Marriage - 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference".

In the research for this book Dr. Sytsma and Shaunti Feldhahn did the largest nationally representative survey ever conducted with married couples about sex.  This research, entitled "The Marriage Intimacy Project" (MIP) was conducted over the span of three years, involving a large research team, professional survery companies and several partner organiazatons to gather, analyze and organize input from more than 5,300 individuals using anonymous surveys and interviews.

Through this research the authors identified eight simple, transformational factors to help move couples from disconnection to delight.  This book reveals the most importat sex-related issues for the average couple - offering workable solutions and lasting hope.  The book is not a "sex manual:, but it is a fascinating and practical field guide that will help couples more intimately understand one anohter and create the marriage they've always wanted.

Please note - Tony interviewd Shaunt Feldhahm in episodes 108 & 109 of The Power of Purity Podcast is you'd like to check it out!

Visit intimatemarriage.org

On July 6th, 2021 Tony's wife left him, and she filed for divorce 28 days later.  

Since then it's been 18 months at the time this episode series is being posted, and it absolutely has been the most difficult time of Tony's life.

Nothing else is even close.

It's been the deepest and darkest valley of his life, and it's been the greatest loss of his life.

After 18 long months, in this series Tony reflects upon 12 lessons he's been learning during this difficult time in his life.

Tony has learned that there are at least 2 different kinds of pain in this world.

One is what Tony calls "stupid pain" and the other is what Tony calls "redemptive pain".

One is pain that is wasted and the other is pain that accomplishes somethihg of significance and value.

One is useless pain and the other is pain with a purpose.

It's kind of like when you have to have surgery, because in a very odd way the doctor is going to help you by "hurting" you even more.  He's going to cut you open, and in a very real way perpetrate even more pain upon your situation and life.  You're going to have to get stiches, and you're going to have to go through recovery and physical therapy.  But at least it's "pain with a purpose".  It's pain that's accomplishing something in your life.  It's "redemptive pain".

As Tony considers the very difficult and painful situation he's been living through, in this series he comtemplates the lessons that he's learning.

These lessons are much deeper than lessons of the "head" because they're lessons of the "heart".

In this fourth episode of the series Tony shares lessons 8 & 9!

"I pray this series will encourage you and help you with the painful things you're facing in your life at this time".  Tony

On July 6th, 2021 Tony's wife left him, and she filed for divorce 28 days later.  

Since then it's been 18 months at the time this episode series is being posted, and it absolutely has been the most difficult time of Tony's life.

Nothing else is even close.

It's been the deepest and darkest valley of his life, and it's been the greatest loss of his life.

After 18 long months, in this series Tony reflects upon 12 lessons he's been learning during this difficult time in his life.

Tony has learned that there are at least 2 different kinds of pain in this world.

One is what Tony calls "stupid pain" and the other is what Tony calls "redemptive pain".

One is pain that is wasted and the other is pain that accomplishes somethihg of significance and value.

One is useless pain and the other is pain with a purpose.

It's kind of like when you have to have surgery, because in a very odd way the doctor is going to help you by "hurting" you even more.  He's going to cut you open, and in a very real way perpetrate even more pain upon your situation and life.  You're going to have to get stiches, and you're going to have to go through recovery and physical therapy.  But at least it's "pain with a purpose".  It's pain that's accomplishing something in your life.  It's "redemptive pain".

As Tony considers the very difficult and painful situation he's been living through, in this series he comtemplates the lessons that he's learning.

These lessons are much deeper than lessons of the "head" because they're lessons of the "heart".

In this fourth episode of the series Tony shares lessons 8 & 9!

"I pray this series will encourage you and help you with the painful things you're facing in your life at this time".  Tony

On July 6th, 2021 Tony's wife left him, and she filed for divorce 28 days later.  

Since then it's been 18 months at the time this episode series is being posted, and it absolutely has been the most difficult time of Tony's life.

Nothing else is even close.

It's been the deepest and darkest valley of his life, and it's been the greatest loss of his life.

After 18 long months, in this series Tony reflects upon 12 lessons he's been learning during this difficult time in his life.

Tony has learned that there are at least 2 different kinds of pain in this world.

One is what Tony calls "stupid pain" and the other is what Tony calls "redemptive pain".

One is pain that is wasted and the other is pain that accomplishes somethihg of significance and value.

One is useless pain and the other is pain with a purpose.

It's kind of like when you have to have surgery, because in a very odd way the doctor is going to help you by "hurting" you even more.  He's going to cut you open, and in a very real way perpetrate even more pain upon your situation and life.  You're going to have to get stiches, and you're going to have to go through recovery and physical therapy.  But at least it's "pain with a purpose".  It's pain that's accomplishing something in your life.  It's "redemptive pain".

As Tony considers the very difficult and painful situation he's been living through, in this series he contemplates the lessons that he's learning.

These lessons are much deeper than lessons of the "head" because they're lessons of the "heart".

In this fourth episode of the series Tony shares lessons 6 & 7!

"I pray this series will encourage you and help you with the painful things you're facing in your life at this time".  Tony